The best piece of advice I ever got was the following : when you meet or are about to meet someone who is imposing, or important to you, and this makes you nervous, or unsettles you in any way, never forget that how big and mighty, how powerful and awe-inspiring that person may be, at one time or another in their life, that person was on his or her hands and knees with explosive diarrhea, praying to their God for a hasty end to aforementioned rear-pipe decompression. Visualising the subject of your idolation in a state of agonising flatulence will pretty much level the playing field you and that person. Gone is the anxiety.
In 2016, 3 things seem to keep propagating as fast as a bad case of ebola, and all of them are as annoying as having to fart whilst out for a spacewalk in your EVA-suit. Every week at least one of these three things happen : either a new Kardashian pops up somewhere doing something unimportant and instagrams it ,or a new case of Zika-fever pops up or finally (and most likely) a new CSI/NCIS spin-off premieres on some channel.
I mean seriously, the last spin-off, CSI/NCIS New Orleans should have been the one to finish them all. No, that’s no joke, there is an entire (sub)series dedicated to crime solving in New Orleans. What marketing genius over at the studios woke up one day and thought “You know what I bet people want to see? Crimes being solved in New Orleans”. New fucking Orleans. I mean come on.
Lately I’ve been vacillant as to what amuses me more when it comes to news from Saudi Arabia. And by ‘amuse’ I mean ‘whose irrationality scares the living shit out of me’.
Electing a country notorious for its relentless violations of the most basic of human rights as the leader of a UN Human Rights Watch panel on human rights-violations just doesn’t strike me as being a good idea. Kerry’s mannerism in that photo even suggests a pre-emptive apologetic speech. ‘I know, we done fucked up now, but they’ve said they were really, really gonna try you guys. Give em a chance. Plus, they got us really cheap oil, so they cool.’
It’s basically the same thing as telling a recovering coke-head to guard a stash of cocaine, but also instructing him not to touch it. ‘No man, I swear. I’m done with that shit, it ruined my life’. You wouldn’t even have the time to turn around that he already would’ve blown through that pile of white powder faster than a pastry chef during ‘Croissant Week’ in Paris.
But hey, at least they obtained it fairly.
The other thing is this : I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately but on the 21st of January the Financial Times opened up with a banger, showing that there does in fact seem to be an monumental discrepancy in between how Saudi-Arabia interprets the word ‘irrational’ and how the rest of the world interprets it. Anyone could have thought that already, given the constant stream of irrational behaviour originating from there, but this takes the cake.
I have successfully lured you away from
the possibility of doing something useful on the internet looking at another batch of cat pictures and/or getting into an argument on the internet about Trumps’ impending presidency and why the last Star Wars movie sucked (it didn’t).
Yes, I realize that aforementioned luring-away might have upset you, but I don’t really care.
Just as Montaigne stated while prefacing his seminal work – Essays – let me in turn start my preface by saying that I preemptively excuse myself for not being apologetic anymore in the future (not that I compare myself in any way to Montaigne, besides the fact that I’m partially french and have been in Dordogne.)
Browse this blog at your own risk of wasted time-expenditure.
Everything I write here is going to be some version of some version of something that happened to me. Or that I witnessed. Or that I heard about. Or that I imagined. Or that someone else imagined, and told me about afterwards.
If you still want to know more, by all means, continue on.